If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
