I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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