A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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