I cut my penus on the lid.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
