your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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