hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
