I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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