I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
