So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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