doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
