I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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