Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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