I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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