It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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