none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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