I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
