I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
