franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
