I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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