it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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