Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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