I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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