I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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