oh god the rape fog is back!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
