i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
