uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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