Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
