What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
