what if every blade of grass was a penis?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
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