My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he just fucked me for my cheese..
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
