I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
