If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
