Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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