do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.