guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.