He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success