Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.