is wine microwaveable?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.