If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
