Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
