i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
