i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
