he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize