Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
