Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
