i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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