Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
