9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
