he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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