Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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