Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
