I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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