yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
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i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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