it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
