i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
