Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize