Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
