I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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