After last night, I could never be a politician.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
