Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize