You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
