matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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