Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
