Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
