My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
