If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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