he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
