I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
