yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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