I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
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I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
