dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
