anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
