dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
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he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
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Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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