the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
