and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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