I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
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