when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
