We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
