He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
