Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i was born a porn star she said
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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