Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
