I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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