is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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