My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
