my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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