batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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