My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
