K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think people are normalizing furries
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
