also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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